Grief & Loss
Grief is a curious thing. It encompasses our entire being.
We experience it physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Often we can feel as if the wind has been knocked from our sails even if the loss was expected. Sometimes we can feel surprised by the intensity of the grief experience. We may have thought the loss to be minor and we find ourselves having a huge response which can be disconcerting and leave us wondering. Loss often brings about great change in our lives whether it be a person or thing. This change can look like our daily routine is has been up routed, a job may have ended, a friendship or loved one that you spoke with daily is no longer in your life either through death or a falling out in your relationship. Change is a constant and grief can be experienced through change.
Sometimes a loss can occur and we are surprised that we have no reaction.
A loved one dies and we can’t find the tears. Although we know that crying could give us some relief, the tears just won’t come. We feel numb like we are just going through the motions, but have difficulty actually feeling anything because to be able to feel and express grief would provide us with some relief, but it just won’t come. You may find many well intentioned people offer unhelpful advise or words meaning to reassure but only instead do the opposite and make us feel unheard or unseen. Sometimes those words set expectations about grief, the right way to do it, when it should be finished, that you should “move on.” Unfortunately, most of this “advise” only serves to increase our loneliness, feelings of isolation, and potentially inadequacy.
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you’ll learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler
In short, grief can be a totally encompassing experience that affects us physically, psychologically as well as emotionally. It’s a very important process that when we try to skip or ignore, it only gets bigger. Having a full grief bucket that hasn’t been dealt with can lead to bigger problems later on in life with both physical and mental health. Everyone grieves differently and there’s no particular formula or right or wrong way to grieve. Sometimes what surprises people the most is that their grief in one situation may be very different than in another. What can also be a big challenge is when people close to us grieve very differently from the way we are grieving. Grief can come on very suddenly and be surprisingly strong. The important thing is to be curious about grief and not judge what’s happening. That can be difficult to do.
I Can Help!
I help you navigate these surprising feelings, so that you work through the grief. I will work with you to heal, to grow and learn to live on abundantly, forever keeping the good memories of the lost person or object with you. We will together, carefully uncover both past and more recent losses, the meanings that have been assigned to them by both you and others, and eventually be able to live a richer life, not forgetting the love one or object but instead, securing a safe place in your heart and memory where they can live on and you can recall them with joy instead of sadness or regret. I have many strategies and skills that I will use to help you not just recover from grief but thrive.